Overview

Sometimes I have a recurring nightmare. Not about a nuclear holocaust or having to work for a living again, but being forced Clockwork Orange-style to watch a three and a half hour gay superhero musical called Four Weddings and No Funeral. Directed by Jane Campion and written by a bunch of well-meaning yet somewhat strident university students, it stars Keanu Reeves as Plank Man, James Dean as Captain Overwrought, Whoopi Goldberg as Cack Panther, Melanie Griffith as Twee-Hulk, Sondra Locke as Blunder Woman, Rob Lowe as Supergirl and Robin Williams as Deadfool. It nets ten billion at the box office and wins a record-breaking twenty Oscars while we learn that all men are toxic unless they share the same bed. Jill Ireland's earnest theme song, of course, hits number one in 204 countries. I always wake from this nightmare disorientated and on the verge of tears. Suffice to say, I immediately seek solace in some of the 20th century celluloid treasures contained within this humble little guide, such as a French female sociopath wreaking havoc on her village, a cuckolded Oliver Reed busting out of prison to set things straight, and rednecks being knocked unconscious by a scarred, club-wielding sheriff. All I can say is: keep the faith, people. Keep the faith that the stifling sway of political correctness, the fixation on sending the correct message, the mania about having respectful minority representation, and the obsession with superheroes will crumble into dust just like the impeding Hays Code did all those decades earlier. I mean, things always go in cycles, don't they? This horrendous period of conservatism will surely give way to a liberal flowering. Perhaps then I'll tiptoe back into an actual cinema to once again enjoy Proper Movie Stars and Fucked-Up Films.

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Born in Wales, Dave Franklin published his first story at sixteen in a national fishing magazine. He immigrated to Australia and made his living as a reporter, earning the distinction of being sacked twice by a Perth-based newspaper group. He then spent nearly three years teaching English in Korea, during which the mortality rate of the children under his care remained at an impressive zero. He now teaches ESL to adults in Brisbane, helping (among others) Thai Lady Boys get to grips with their past participles. The major theme of Dave's small, character-driven stories is alienation, the symptoms of which include male immaturity, misogyny, dysfunction, xenophobia, religion, violence and a childish glee in winding up the politically correct. His books lack car chases and explosions; instead he prefers outlandish, twisted sex scenes that focus on exasperated loners full of doubt. Readers who like his work tend to see its black comedy (and disdain for his own characters) whereas his harshest critics take everything at face value. Indeed, some observers would suggest the highlight of his writing career, which has produced ten novels, remains being published in a fishing magazine.

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