Overview

This is not a dating advice book. It's not a self-help manifesto. And it's definitely not a guide on how to be ""less intense."" This is a book about what happens when you stop betraying yourself just to be chosen. Written by a neurodivergent woman navigating midlife dating, illness, divorce, grief, and modern dating culture, this book is a brutally honest examination of what love actually costs - and what it shouldn't. Through essays, chapters, and interludes, Marcie U Tomb explores: Why endurance gets mistaken for love How emotional labor quietly drains you before you ever realize it What illness, neurodivergence, and trauma reveal about character Why chemistry isn't a compass How clarity gets mislabeled as aggression Why ""starting over"" is a myth - and integration is the real work What peace costs, and why it's still worth paying for This book doesn't offer dating hacks or quick fixes. Instead, it names the patterns many people - especially women and neurodivergent people - are taught to normalize: confusion, inconsistency, emotional labor, self-erasure, and being told to ""just be chill."" It's for anyone who: Has stayed longer than they should have Has been called ""too much"" for being clear Has confused intensity with intimacy Has done the work and is still asking, why is this so hard? Is tired of pretending modern dating dysfunction is normal This is a book about boundaries, accountability, and self-trust. About learning the difference between being needed and being loved. About choosing peace - even when it costs you noise, familiarity, and access. You won't finish this book with a checklist. You'll finish it with language for things you've felt but couldn't name. And once you can name them, you don't unsee them.

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