Overview

THEY’RE COMING FOR YOU   Coulrophobia--the fear of clowns--is very real and for good reason. You might think these red-nosed jokers are creepy, sure, but certainly not dangerous. You’d be wrong. Clowns never reveal their real names, and dress to obscure their identities. The rules of civilized society don't apply to them (what other stranger could offer candy to children and get away with it?), they have countless places to hide weapons on their person, and their appearance is downright unnatural. Clowns are the scariest people on earth, and the truth is, they are coming for your valuables, your children, and your sanity. In this comprehensive guide to self-protection from clown creepery, petty crime, and violence, Chuck Sambuchino--founder of the anti-clown group Red Nose Alert--delves into the terrifying clown underworld to provide the knowledge you need to know to protect yourself from these seemingly innocuous gagmen, using his proven four-step system: ASSESS, ANALYZE, DEFEND, PROTECT.  Included within are instructions on how to defeat a clown in close combat, tips for spotting the plainclothes clown, and tutorials for fully clown-proofing your home against these painted and bewigged warriors. Most importantly, you’ll learn what to do when clowns attack… because it’s only a matter of time before they do.

Full Product Details

Author:   Chuck Sambuchino
Publisher:   Random House USA Inc
Imprint:   Ten Speed Press
Dimensions:   Width: 14.00cm , Height: 1.50cm , Length: 21.10cm
Weight:   0.372kg
ISBN:  

9781607747031

ISBN 10:   1607747030
Pages:   136
Publication Date:   29 September 2015
Audience:   General/trade ,  General
Format:   Hardback
Publisher's Status:   Active
Availability:   In Print  
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Table of Contents

INTRODUCTION   1 1: ASSESS    Why Clowns Frighten People   6 The Mental Instability of Clowns   15 2: ANALYZE    Types of Clowns   29 The Party Clown   29 The Circus Clown   30 The Street Clown   32 The Tramp or Hobo   33 The Dunking Booth Clown   34 The Cirque de Soleil “Clown”   35 Clown Anatomy   41 Hat   41 Wig   43 Face Paint   44 Nose   47 Shoes   47 Oversized Pants   50 Clown Communication & Lingo    53 3: DEFEND    Bozo Hotspots   61 Targets for Attack   65 When Clowns Attack   73 Clown Weapons (Their Arsenal)   74 Clown Assault Tactics   83 How to Defeat a Clown   87 Clown Gangs   95 How to Escape a Clown Posse   99 4: PROTECT    Spotting the Plainclothes Clown   106 Signs that Clowns Are Nearby   115 Protect Your Home   119 Conclusion   127 Acknowledgments   128 Photo Credits   129

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Author Information

CHUCK SAMBUCHINO works for Writer’s Digest and edits both the Guide to Literary Agents and the Children’s Writer’s & Illustrator’s Market. His first book, How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack, was optioned for film by Sony. Naturally, he hates clowns, and lives in a heavily fortified residence in the Midwest to avoid them. Besides that, he is a freelance editor, cover band guitarist, retro gamer, and owner of a flabby-yet-lovable dog. Connect with him at chucksambuchino.com or @chucksambuchino on Twitter.

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