Overview

Laure Adler learned from a colleague that her nine-month-old baby son, Remi, had been taken ill, and she rushed to the hospital. So began months of battling - with uncommunicative doctors and nurses, and with her own feelings of guilt, terror, and hopelessness. Seventeen years after Remi's death, Laure Adler finally started to put her grief into words. Until Tonight is a powerful document - heartrending, brave and loving - about the experiences of insurmountable grief.

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9781862075993

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Reviews

'Her own brush with death in a car crash in 2000 released the flood of anguish and guilt that Laure Adler felt about the sudden, catastrophic illness and subsequent death of her baby son, Remi, seventeen years previously. This is a nightmare tale of parental agony, medical insensitivity and the ultimate, cautious acceptance of loss' SUNDAY TIMES 'Lulls the reader into a spiritual poetry' SCOTLAND ON SUNDAY 'A sense of helplessness, of being pulled along by events, pervades the telling. The couple don't ask questions and are rarely offered explanations, so when the end arrives they don't see it coming. This is a devastating, deeply sad yet unsentimental account of an unbearable grief' TIME OUT 'From the unexpected tragedy to the stupor of unhappiness from the denial to the chlorinated corridors of the hospital, we share with her every emotion, every sensation, every silence so strong is the power of her words. A loving memorial to a lost child. A great book' MARIE CLAIRE

In 1983, Laure Adler's baby son Remi died in a Paris hospital. It wasn't until 17 years later, when she was involved in a car accident that could have proved fatal, that she decided to write about it. The memoir of loss has become a well-established genre, but Adler's account is unusually simple and unsentimental. She brilliantly conveys the Kafkaesque feeling of finding herself in a world where she has no idea of what is happening to her baby son, she is not consulted about his treatment, and she cannot find out whether he has any chance of survival. At the age of nine months, Remi, an apparently active and healthy baby, was very suddenly taken ill and rushed to hospital. From that moment, Adler and her husband were never able to hold or cuddle him again. Remi was kept in an intensive care unit, attached to tubes and machines, and remained there for the rest of his short life. Attempts by the baby's parents to find out what has caused his illness came to nothing; the medical staff were cold and unhelpful. Adler's account focuses almost exclusively on the baby and her feelings about him: despite his age, she believes that he showed courage, and actively fought to stay alive. The guilt she feels about abandoning him to the hospital is enormous: 'He belonged to them. We had let them have him. They decided everything, starting with what went into his body: artificial air, drip feeds, liquid medicines. He was theirs.' She veers between hope and despair; without any solid information to go on, she doesn't know whether he has any chance of pulling through. The book says little of Adler's relationship with her husband, or with her other son or stepson. This is disappointing because it would have given much more context to the story. At the same time, this single-minded focus on Remi conveys the intensity of the emotional experience for Adler: the only thing that mattered to her was that her son should live. This is a short book, but a powerful one; it's impossible not to be moved by the sense of loss and anguish Adler still feels 19 years on. (Kirkus UK)

Author Information

Laure Adler was born in 1950. She has written several books on the history of women, and a prize-winning biography of Marguerite Duras. She has worked in publishing and as a journalist, and is now the Director of the France Culture radio station.

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