Overview

A New York Times Editors' Choice and Best Book of the Year at TIME, Esquire, Amazon, Kirkus, and Electric Literature Jeannie Vanasco has had the same nightmare since she was a teenager. It is always about him- one of her closest high school friends, a boy named Mark. A boy who raped her. When her nightmares worsen, Jeannie decides-after fourteen years of silence-to reach out to Mark. He agrees to talk on the record and meet in person. Jeannie details her friendship with Mark before and after the assault, asking the brave and urgent question- Is it possible for a good person to commit a terrible act? Jeannie interviews Mark, exploring how rape has impacted his life as well as her own. Unflinching and courageous, Things We Didn't Talk About When I Was a Girl is part memoir, part true crime record, and part testament to the strength of female friendships-a recounting and reckoning that will inspire us to ask harder questions, push towards deeper understanding, and continue a necessary and long overdue conversation.

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9781947793453

Table of Contents

Reviews

A cuttingly funny meta-meditation on her own pain in the context of #MeToo.-- O, The Oprah Magazine A gripping read and true fodder for the necessary reckoning with toxic masculinity.-- BuzzFeed A remarkably nuanced account of the complicated and confusing emotions that surface when your rapist is someone you knew and trusted.-- The Cut A stunning work of meta nonfiction. . . . Vanasco's narrative pushes far past the flattened media narrative of Me Too and asks uncomfortable questions about how to talk about rape culture, toxic masculinity and gender, justice, and resilience.-- Shondaland About violence and forgiveness, about friendship and the unwanted title of victim, about digging deeper and deeper to seek answers.-- The New York Times Book Review An extraordinarily brave work of self- and cultural reflection.-- Kirkus, Starred Review Bold, unsettling, and timely. . . . A reckoning with injustice.--Laurie Halse Anderson TIME Gorgeous, harrowing, heartbreaking.--Carmen Maria Machado Bustle Heartfelt, painful, and essential.-- Shelf Awareness Intrepid. . . . A work that has the potential to change the way we think and talk about rape and the people who commit it.-- Bitch Perhaps the most important book of the season.-- Esquire Sets the canon of #MeToo-era creative nonfiction on fire. . . . Inimitable.-- Booklist, Starred Review Striking. . . . Creates a language for something we don't talk about.-- The Paris Review Thought-provoking, unmooring, and haunting.-- NYLON Utterly brilliant.-- Book Riot Vanasco immediately makes you wonder how we can take so much about sexual assault for granted.-- The Times Literary Supplement A literary feminist miracle.--Sophia Shalmiyev, author of Mother Winter A rigorous and nuanced investigation.--Lisa Locascio, author of Open Me About how important it is to speak about these oft-silenced experiences that cause so many to feel ashamed, scared, and alone.--NPR An essential, unforgettable work.--Erik Anderson, author of Flutter Point Astonishingly fierce.--Emily Geminder, author of Dead Girls and Other Stories Brilliant.--Megan Stielstra, author of The Wrong Way to Save Your Life Cuts through the silence of deep betrayal.--Amy Jo Burns, author of Shiner Exactly the book we need right now. . . . I wish everyone in this country would read it.--Melissa Febos, author of Abandon Me Explores the common experience of rape with uncommon nuance and intense tenderness.--YZ Chin, author of Though I Get Home Interrogates the terms of betrayal and the limits of redemption.--Tim Taranto, author of Ars Botanica Stunning.--Angela Pelster, author of Limber There is so much power in these pages.--Elissa Washuta, author of My Body is a Book of Rules Vanasco is a formidable talent.--Daniel Gumbiner, author of The Boatbuilder Wickedly clever and powerful.--Krystal A. Sital, author of Secrets We Kept: Three Women of Trinidad

Jeannie Vanasco's rigorous and nuanced investigation of crime, trauma, secrets, and the telling of our stories, applies an agile mind and penetrating insight to the enforced silences that surround rape and its aftermath.--Lisa Locascio, Open Me Vanasco's wildly courageous decision to confront her rapist, question him, meet with him, and then invite her readers into her processing of that experience is, frankly, stunning. This is a book I'll teach and reread well into the future, grateful that fewer and fewer girls will grow up without the opportunity to talk about these things.--Angela Pelster, author of Limber Things We Didn't Talk About When I Was a Girl explores the common experience of rape with uncommon nuance and intense tenderness. In the process, the book also unexpectedly becomes a warm celebration of female friendship. Vanasco reveals the boundaries of your thoughts and feelings. Then she takes you beyond.--YZ Chin, Though I Get Home

Vanasco's wildly courageous decision to confront her rapist, question him, meet with him, and then invite her readers into her processing of that experience is, frankly, stunning. This is a book I'll teach and reread well into the future, grateful that fewer and fewer girls will grow up without the opportunity to talk about these things.--Angela Pelster, author of LIMBER Jeannie Vanasco's rigorous and nuanced investigation of crime, trauma, secrets, and the telling of our stories, applies an agile mind and penetrating insight to the enforced silences that surround rape and its aftermath.--Lisa Locascio, author of OPEN ME Things We Didn't Talk About When I Was a Girl explores the common experience of rape with uncommon nuance and intense tenderness. In the process, the book also unexpectedly becomes a warm celebration of female friendship. Vanasco reveals the boundaries of your thoughts and feelings. Then she takes you beyond.--YZ Chin, author of THOUGH I GET HOME

Vanasco's wildly courageous decision to confront her rapist, question him, meet with him, and then invite her readers into her processing of that experience is, frankly, stunning. This is a book I'll teach and reread well into the future, grateful that fewer and fewer girls will grow up without the opportunity to talk about these things.--Angela Pelster, author of Limber Jeannie Vanasco's rigorous and nuanced investigation of crime, trauma, secrets, and the telling of our stories, applies an agile mind and penetrating insight to the enforced silences that surround rape and its aftermath.--Lisa Locascio, Open Me Things We Didn't Talk About When I Was a Girl explores the common experience of rape with uncommon nuance and intense tenderness. In the process, the book also unexpectedly becomes a warm celebration of female friendship. Vanasco reveals the boundaries of your thoughts and feelings. Then she takes you beyond.--YZ Chin, Though I Get Home

Jeannie Vanasco's rigorous and nuanced investigation of crime, trauma, secrets, and the telling of our stories, applies an agile mind and penetrating insight to the enforced silences that surround rape and its aftermath.--Lisa Locascio, author of OPEN ME Vanasco's wildly courageous decision to confront her rapist, question him, meet with him, and then invite her readers into her processing of that experience is, frankly, stunning. This is a book I'll teach and reread well into the future, grateful that fewer and fewer girls will grow up without the opportunity to talk about these things.--Angela Pelster, author of LIMBER Clearly this is an important and timely book. Even in a world that can seem brimming with stories similar to Vanasco's, hers stands out . . . heartfelt, painful, and essential. Carrying memories of rape sometimes feels like working, day in and day out, on untangling a hopelessly knotted chain. In this book, Jeannie Vanasco works through the gnarl until its terrifying expanse is stretched out before us. There is so much power in these pages: in the vulnerability she shows in seeking answers, in the deftness with which she builds a narrative where there was once only a mess of questions and silence.--Elissa Washuta, author of STARVATION MODE Vanasco performs a literary feminist miracle for all women who have been denied basic rights, been suspect, been labeled, been unbelievable after their rapes and assaults, and shines our collective shame outwardly, to ask a man why a choice to abuse is made.--Sophia Shalmiyev, author of MOTHER WINTER Vanasco is a brilliant craftsperson--blurring the lines between memoir, investigation, and interview, she confronts her years-ago rapist and dives headlong into the complexity of forgiveness and redemption, what was taken and what can be rebuilt. Our cultural discussion of rape is so deeply marked by silence. Enough with the silence. Enough. Vanasco has given us a bridge.--Megan Stielstra, author of THE WRONG WAY TO SAVE YOUR LIFE Things We Didn't Talk About When I Was a Girl explores the common experience of rape with uncommon nuance and intense tenderness. In the process, the book also unexpectedly becomes a warm celebration of female friendship. Vanasco reveals the boundaries of your thoughts and feelings. Then she takes you beyond.--YZ Chin, author of THOUGH I GET HOME

Author Information

Jeannie Vanasco is the author of the memoirs Things We Didn't Talk About When I Was a Girl and The Glass Eye. Born and raised in Sandusky, Ohio, she lives in Baltimore and is an associate professor of English at Towson University.

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