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Christine Jensen lives in Montana with her husband and animals. Christine obtained her substance abuse counseling certificate from the University of the Pacific in 2010. Her life's work is to continue to counsel and mentor those who struggle with the disease of addiction. I hate waking up! My head is spinning! It feels as if someone is beating every joint in my body with a hammer. Goose bumps are rising all over my arms and legs. I begin searching for my best friend: my pill bottle. As I peer through my blurry vision, I see that it is half empty. I shake the bottle in disbelief; there are only a couple left. I look into the bottle again and again, as if the missing pills will suddenly appear. How has this happened again? I just filled my prescription yesterday. How could I have taken this many? I promised myself I was going to make these last until the next prescription refill. Every month, I run out and then experience withdrawal symptoms. I detest myself and can't handle being sick again. My mind begins to fill with racing thoughts. How many do I have? Am I going to have enough? How am I going to get more? I need to count them again to make sure I have enough to last thirty days. This is just a vicious cycle. But this is the reality of my life. I just wish I could get my life back. This morning, I am waking up in a rundown hotel room. The room smells of old cigarette smoke and is making my stomach sick. How did I end up here? How did I go from being a homeowner to a life like this? How did I go from being a respected member of the community, being a wife and stepmother, to a life like this? Now I am homeless, unemployed, separated, and now an addict. The first pill of the day is now in my mouth. In forty-five minutes, the world will seem like a better place. I will be numb. I can let go of my worries. My body will no longer feel sick. It will just feel normal, and I'll be able to function. These pills don't even get me high anymore, but at least I can go on with my day.

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