Overview

""""A fresh look at infidelity, broadening the focus from the havoc it wreaks within a committed relationship to consider also why people do it, what it means to them, and why breaking up is the expected response to duplicity -- but not necessarily the wisest one."" -- LA Review of Books From iconic couples' therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity comes a provocative and controversial look at infidelity with practical, honest, and empathetic advice for how to move beyond it. An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo--universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat--even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book. For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage--with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart. Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships--what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations. Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, ""Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.""

Full Product Details

9781538503799

Table of Contents

Reviews

""Perel's goal here is not to condone cheating on partners but rather to help readers feel compassion both for the victim and the perpetrator and offer strategies for addressing this complex issue."" -- ""Booklist"" ""Poignant stories of couples facing the aftermath of an affair and the highly knowledgeable analysis and advice they received from a well-trained couples' therapist."" -- ""Kirkus Reviews"" ""Recommended for couples, therapists, religious leaders, and anyone else interested in a deep look at the meanings, devastations, and potential growth avenues from infidelity."" -- ""Library Journal"" ""Sexologist Perel, a marriage crisis 'first responder, ' excavates the messy psychology of infidelity, digging into such charged topics as the 'new shame' of wives--staying with a cheater--and why even happy partners sometimes stray."" -- ""O, The Oprah Magazine"" ""The book is sure to spark intelligent conversations that will have readers everywhere examining their belief systems. This is a thought-provoking take on relationships and essential reading for couples dealing with infidelity."" -- ""Publishers Weekly"" ""Through her research, [Perel is] able to dive into the sordid history of affairs, the modern prevalence of romantic love, and why, exactly, infidelity doesn't always lead to the dissolution of a marriage. As it turns out, the widely accepted reasons for why people cheat don't always apply--and the list of potential reasons is ever evolving."" -- ""Refinery29""

Author Information

Psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today's most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 30 million views and her international bestseller Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence is a global phenomenon that has been translated into nearly 30 languages. Her newest book is the New York Times bestseller The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity. Esther is also an executive producer and host of the popular podcasts Where Should We Begin? and How's Work? Learn more at EstherPerel.com or by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram. Psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today's most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 30 million views and her international bestseller Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence is a global phenomenon that has been translated into nearly 30 languages. Her newest book is the New York Times bestseller The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity. Esther is also an executive producer and host of the popular podcasts Where Should We Begin? and How's Work? Learn more at EstherPerel.com or by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.

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