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Refreshing myself with a glass of white wine, I decided I would clear things up once and for all, in the middle of the night, when it seemed that my mind was at its most active. I reminded everybody that this was not about racism, any more than it was about time travel or ducks, which everybody knew were my favourite animal, and what was wrong with that? It would be great if they thought that was the problem, I reflected wisely as some of the alarms began to die down quietly outside. ""It makes me sad when I see them in places like traffic islands and parking lots, looking lost. It doesn't seem fair,"" I explained, now certain that everybody would agree with me. ""You can talk to them too, you know, if you do it the right way. You just need to do it gently. They will usually answer if you are listening. I just think they are beautiful."" I hit the send button making sure to cc everybody including Mariam, then I immediately realised everybody would think I was insane, and that I was using or selling drugs, or that I was trying to cover up for an offensive or racist indiscretion, or for scaring or confusing one of my female colleagues like Jonno so often did, before he was fired, as I soon would be, unless I explained what this was really about. So I began writing the longest email of them all, and this time I knew I had their attention, the arse monitors! This was my one opportunity to clear the good name of Adam Mathews.

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