Overview

Nurturing is not to be confused with smothering. Nurturing helps a child blossom, while smothering leads to behavioral problems. When a parent suffocates a child, the parent's objective is to control. For the smothering and controlling parent, the underlying agenda is criticism and judgment of the child. The parent presumes the child is a piece of property to be molded. This type of parent makes all the decisions for the child, and essentially takes away the child's voice.Typical acts of smothering include continually watching and commenting on the child's behavior. The parent anticipates every move the child makes, and then prevents the child from initiating action. The child is reprimanded in front of other people and is never allowed to disagree with the parent. When individuating begins, the parent feels betrayed, and makes the child feel guilty for asserting independence. Guilt is a major factor in imposing control of the child. A child raised in this environment will become very secretive and hypersensitive to the motives of other people. A suffocating parent may say No, no, Simon, don't eat that dirt, and then run off to change him the minute his clothes become soiled. It is hard for the suffocating parent to understand that there is nothing wrong with a child eating dirt, and getting dirty. In fact, these acts of experimentation and play are important rites of passage. All children need to discover bow unpalatable, tasteless, and gritty dirt is. Or how squishy and marvelously slimy dirt becomes when water is applied! In this case, the smothering parent is bothered by children's fascination with dirt because it interferes with their desire for cleanliness, tidiness, and perfection in their child at all times.

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