Overview

For fans of Aldous Huxley and Timothy Leary, a woman’s personal journey unfolds in a historically documented and scientifically elucidated memoir of lifelong struggle to overcome CPTSD with the help of psychedelics. In 2009 following a breast cancer diagnosis, Rex found herself spiraling into a depression that led her to a groundbreaking clinical trial at Johns Hopkins University in 2012, where she was given two doses of psilocybin. As she reflects on her tumultuous childhood marked by violent abuse from psychiatrist parents, Rex uncovers the psychological influences that shaped her life and therapeutic search. Her journey intersects with a dark history of psychological experimentation, including the work of Harvard’s Dr. Henry A. Murray—her mother’s mentor—whose controversial research influenced modern psychology and led to the psychopathology of Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber. Despite years of failed conventional treatments, Rex sought alternative paths, discovering transformative healing through ayahuasca, MDMA, and 5-MeO-DMT. Seeing What Is There navigates the complexities of the psychedelic therapy movement, questioning its ethical pitfalls and motivations. Ultimately, Rex demonstrates that true healing requires more than just pharmaceuticals—it demands economic security, community, and social support, offering a powerful meditation on trauma, survival, and the potential for transformation.

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Reviews

""This important memoir critiques psychiatry and the psychedelic movement, exploring trauma, healing, and the ethical challenges of contemporary psychiatry. Through her journey with psilocybin, MDMA, and 5-MeO-DMT, Erica Rex reveals the promise of transformation while advocating for a future where true healing includes social support, equity, and community. Students of psychedelics and psychiatry would do well to read this book.""--Joe Moore, cofounder and CEO of Psychedelics Today ""A mesmerizing combination of personal confession and deep scientific insights. Rex turns many expectations upside down and it is almost impossible to resist her reasoning and the personal voice she brings to it. You cannot finish this book without coming out wiser, better informed, and convinced that she is telling truths that others prefer to hide. Brave, passionate, and beautiful, yet not an easy read. An important book, a whole schooling in itself. Read it; you will not be sorry.""--Jeffrey Masson, psychoanalyst and author of The Assault on Truth and Against Therapy ""An extraordinary, beautifully written account of one woman's lifelong journey out of unimaginable childhood trauma. Erica Rex exposes the dark heart of modern psychiatry and shows how the promise of psychedelic therapy is being subverted by ego-driven practitioners and pharmaceutical capitalism. Hers is a singular and prophetic voice, summoning the healing power of community in a culture that has pathologized human suffering.""--Stephen Mills, author of Chosen: A Memoir of Stolen Boyhood

Author Information

Erica Rex is a journalist, essayist, and fiction writer published in The New York Times, Scientific American, Poets and Writers, and more. She speaks regularly on the Psychedelics Today podcast and advises the US Congressional Caucus on psychedelic therapies (PATH). Rex spoke at the NIH’s psilocybin series and is an award-winning fiction writer. She is a fellow of the MacDowell Colony, the Ucross Foundation, and Helene Wurlitzer Foundation. She contributes widely to discussions on psychedelics and their role in medicine and society. Rex resides in a village in Suffolk, UK, outside London.

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