Overview

This book is about psychosis as I know it: phenomena, accessing the impact of the phenomena, and the development of the coping mechanisms, and tactics, to alleviate the impact. Tactics include the defect and workaround components. As for defects, they are not equivalent to symptoms, but the severe weaknesses manifested in the form of symptoms. The workarounds have been used to manage the defects while keeping myself out of the psychiatric ward. I offer these as examples and hope they might be of help to someone, somehow. Following the narrative described above is a more scientific approach where I examine my functioning in the context of several academic models of brain functioning. With an n=1 and no way to tease out the effects of aging, I cannot offer any solid conclusions. But I can hope that you might find something useful in your understanding of what went wrong with me. After years of living with my psychosis, my private psychotic model eventually emerged. It is an experiment to illustrate my mental model of how my psychosis works. It is grounded in human development with a focus on human cognition. It is raw-how my head would like it to be. It could be refined. But it is what I can offer so far. In addition, my head forbade me to read anything targeting the psychotic population. Whether good or bad, my head dictated the content, the format, and the language used in this half-baked model that I cooked up in my backyard.

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