Overview

Not a Burden, Not a Bonus is a clear-eyed exploration of love, dignity, and relational equality in a world that often frames disabled people as either problems to manage or inspirations to admire. Rejecting both narratives, this book offers a grounded, humane alternative: relationships built on mutual desire, consent, and balance-without debt. Drawing from lived experience and relational insight, Matthew Petchinsky examines the subtle ways gratitude-based love, comparison, and unspoken obligation erode intimacy. With compassion and precision, he names patterns many readers recognize but struggle to articulate: being told to be grateful for tolerance, having pain minimized by ""at least"" language, or feeling pressure to compensate for existing. This is not a self-help manual filled with platitudes, nor a memoir designed to extract sympathy. It is a relational reckoning-one that restores equality without denying reality. Through thoughtful analysis, practical reflection, and emotionally honest language, Not a Burden, Not a Bonus invites readers to release shame, reclaim boundaries, and redefine partnership as shared humanity rather than moral accounting. This book is for anyone who has felt reduced, measured, or quietly indebted in love-and is ready to inhabit relationships rooted in dignity instead.

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