Overview

Heaven's Main Line: Your Callback Is Coming is a laugh out loud, faith anchored workplace satire for anyone who has ever refreshed their email like it was a spiritual discipline, stared at ""We'll be in touch"" like it was a prophecy, or tried to stay positive while quietly unraveling in the waiting room of life. It starts on a Tuesday night with Alex-exhausted, overwhelmed, surrounded by rejection emails, half-finished cover letters, and Takis crumbs-blurting out a half joke, half prayer: ""I wish God would just act like a hiring manager and TELL me what He wants!"" That night, Heaven calls back. Alex wakes up inside Heaven's Corporate Headquarters, where cloud floors shine like mirrors, lo-fi harp beats play in the background, and an angel named Brittany runs reception with radiant efficiency and just enough judgment to keep everyone accountable. God arrives in a soft cardigan with a clipboard, and suddenly Alex is in the most unexpected interview of their life. What follows is a sixty chapter divine onboarding process that turns modern job search chaos into holy comedy and real healing: Heaven's ATS: The All-Seeing Tracking System, HR Policy 3:16, the Email Refresh Novena, the ""quick chat"" calendar invite that spikes your pulse, a take-home assignment to build an ark by Friday, the salary band labeled ""Trust Me,"" and a benefits package that includes peace (and yes, eternal dental). Along the way, Alex navigates ghosted recruiters, LinkedIn false prophets, rejection templates, and the quiet panic of Tuesdays-only to discover the deeper truth beneath the waiting: God isn't just preparing an opportunity, He's preparing a person. Beneath the humor is a heartfelt story about identity, timing, and what happens when you stop begging for relief and start building with faith. Alex learns the difference between doors and trapdoors, between scrambling and stewardship, and between ""pending"" as punishment and ""pending"" as process. As peace becomes a baseline instead of a bonus, the biggest promotion arrives-not in a subject line, but in the soul. Warm, witty, and deeply relatable, Heaven's Main Line: Your Callback Is Coming is part workplace satire, part encouragement, and part emotional survival guide for anyone who feels overlooked, delayed, or stuck on hold. It's for the person who keeps showing up after the fiftieth ""unfortunately,"" for the one trying to trust God while also trying to pay rent, and for anyone who's learned the hard way that waiting can start to feel like rejection if you don't have language for it. With sharp humor, tender truth, and just enough corporate absurdity to make you laugh while you heal, this book reminds you that silence is not always absence-sometimes it's construction noise-and the hold music isn't proof you've been forgotten, it's proof you're still on the line. And when the callback finally comes, it won't just feel like rescue. It'll feel like purpose-right on time.

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