Overview

The first and second edition of But I Didn't Say Goodbye are being replaced by the 3rd Edition ISBN 9781892906021. The 3rd Edition reflects everything you need to know when providing support to suicide loss survivors. What do you do when your father dies by suicide while you are in the hospital awaiting the birth of your triplets? What do you do when you can't attend your father's funeral because physician orders include complete bed rest? What do you do when you realize that you experienced a devastating loss and that you are not alone in that experience? You write a book and dedicate your life to helping others affected by suicide! Barbara Rubel's fictional characters in But I Didn't Say Goodbye are a compilation of what individuals may experience throughout their lifetime as a suicide loss survivor. But I Didn't Say Goodbye: Helping Families After a Suicide tells the story, from the perspective of an eleven-year-old boy, Alex, and his family, as they are rocked by suicide and reeling from the aftermath. Through Alex's eyes, the reader will see the transformation of feelings after going through a death by suicide. New to the third edition, each chapter ends with Alex reflecting 10 years later on his experience, introducing family members and friends in his recollections. Barbara Rubel has combined our modern academic theories of grieving, and the research that supports those theories, and then translated them into a readable story for anyone bereaved by suicide. The revised edition is an evidence-informed and contemporary treatment of a devastating form of loss that uses the artful device of a hypothetical case study to render it in human terms. Through the story, the reader will understand what losing someone to suicide might be like for a family, how to make meaning in the loss, and ways to experience personal growth. This self-help book was revised to provide guidance and education for clinicians (e.g., mental health providers, social workers, psychologists, school counselors, and case managers) and families to help suicide loss survivors. Part 1 offers a basic understanding of suicide postvention, suicide loss survivors, complicated grief, mourning theories, the American death system, and the impact on clinician survivors. Chapters have been substantially updated, based on mourning models and the latest research. The chapters in Part 2 build upon one another sequentially, from the day of the suicide to the anniversary of the death. At the end of each chapter, there are follow-up questions to explore in counseling sessions, support groups, therapy sessions, or at home. Also, at the end of each chapter, Alex, at the age of 21, reflects back on how his father's death by suicide has changed his life, wounding him, but also helping him to grow.

Full Product Details

9781892906021

Table of Contents

Reviews

"""Rubel has produced something distinctive: an evidence-informed and contemporary treatment of a devastating form of loss that uses the artful device of a hypothetical case study to render it in human terms. I applaud this integrative vision and will recommend it frequently to other clinicians and trainees attempting to close the gap between theories of suicide bereavement and actual practice."" --Robert A. Neimeyer, PhD, Director Portland Institute for Loss and Transition, Editor of Death Studies and New Techniques of Grief Therapy: Bereavement and Beyond ""Barbara Rubel's But I Didn't Say Goodbye provides invaluable insights into the experiences of those who have lost a loved one to suicide. These insights derive from personal experience of the author as well as interactions helping many other survivors of suicide loss. The book provides an informed overview of what is known about loss by suicide, not only from survivors' personal experiences, but also reflecting current research, theory, and writings on suicide loss survivors."" --John L. McIntosh, PhD co-author of Suicide and Its Aftermath: Understanding and Counseling the Survivors and Grief After Suicide: Understanding the Consequences and Caring for the Survivors. Professor Emeritus of Psychology, Indiana University South Bend. ""A tremendous source of education and support for clinicians, survivors and all who support those bereaved by suicide. But I Didn't Say Goodbye is both comprehensive and concise, providing a unique perspective to coping with suicide loss developmentally through creative narrative."" --Jill Harrington-LaMorie, DSW, LCSW Adjunct Faculty, The Chicago School of Professional Psychology/ Rutgers University, Grief Therapist, Research Consultant and author of Surviving Families of Military Suicide Loss: Exploring Postvention Peer Support. ""The format of the chapters (immediate to the time, 10 years later, questions) was solid. In fact, the 10 years later piece could give people hope in the immediate aftermath. And the questions, which I often find to be superficial and not helpful, clearly come from a place of thoughtful consideration. I also loved the exercises and the fact that they're organized around a multifaceted perspective on grief."" --Kathleen R. Gilbert, PhD, FT Professor Emerita, Indiana University-Bloomington School of Public Health. ""After reading Barbara Rubel's book But I Didn't Say Goodbye I have deep regrets that this book was not available 60+ years ago when my father took his life when I was 10 years old. If I, and my family, had read this book, perhaps I would not have suffered so many years with magical thoughts that I might have saved him if I had been home that day, or my last memory of him would not have been in the open casket."" --Rabbi Daniel A. Roberts, DD, DMin, FT co-author of The Suicide Funeral (or Memorial Service): Honoring their Memory, Comforting their Survivors. ""An important resource for all of us who have lost a loved one to suicide. Barbara Rubel extends a comforting hand and offers wise advice on a difficult subject and we are grateful for her help and support."" --Carla Fine author of No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One."

Rubel has produced something distinctive: an evidence-informed and contemporary treatment of a devastating form of loss that uses the artful device of a hypothetical case study to render it in human terms. I applaud this integrative vision and will recommend it frequently to other clinicians and trainees attempting to close the gap between theories of suicide bereavement and actual practice. --Robert A. Neimeyer, PhD, Director Portland Institute for Loss and Transition, Editor of Death Studies and New Techniques of Grief Therapy: Bereavement and Beyond Barbara Rubel's But I Didn't Say Goodbye provides invaluable insights into the experiences of those who have lost a loved one to suicide. These insights derive from personal experience of the author as well as interactions helping many other survivors of suicide loss. The book provides an informed overview of what is known about loss by suicide, not only from survivors' personal experiences, but also reflecting current research, theory, and writings on suicide loss survivors. --John L. McIntosh, PhD co-author of Suicide and Its Aftermath: Understanding and Counseling the Survivors and Grief After Suicide: Understanding the Consequences and Caring for the Survivors. Professor Emeritus of Psychology, Indiana University South Bend. A tremendous source of education and support for clinicians, survivors and all who support those bereaved by suicide. But I Didn't Say Goodbye is both comprehensive and concise, providing a unique perspective to coping with suicide loss developmentally through creative narrative. --Jill Harrington-LaMorie, DSW, LCSW Adjunct Faculty, The Chicago School of Professional Psychology/ Rutgers University, Grief Therapist, Research Consultant and author of Surviving Families of Military Suicide Loss: Exploring Postvention Peer Support. The format of the chapters (immediate to the time, 10 years later, questions) was solid. In fact, the 10 years later piece could give people hope in the immediate aftermath. And the questions, which I often find to be superficial and not helpful, clearly come from a place of thoughtful consideration. I also loved the exercises and the fact that they're organized around a multifaceted perspective on grief. --Kathleen R. Gilbert, PhD, FT Professor Emerita, Indiana University-Bloomington School of Public Health. After reading Barbara Rubel's book But I Didn't Say Goodbye I have deep regrets that this book was not available 60+ years ago when my father took his life when I was 10 years old. If I, and my family, had read this book, perhaps I would not have suffered so many years with magical thoughts that I might have saved him if I had been home that day, or my last memory of him would not have been in the open casket. --Rabbi Daniel A. Roberts, DD, DMin, FT co-author of The Suicide Funeral (or Memorial Service): Honoring their Memory, Comforting their Survivors. An important resource for all of us who have lost a loved one to suicide. Barbara Rubel extends a comforting hand and offers wise advice on a difficult subject and we are grateful for her help and support. --Carla Fine author of No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One.

Author Information

Barbara Rubel is a speaker author. Three weeks prior to Barbara giving birth to triplets, her father died by suicide. She has dedicated her life work to supporting suicide loss survivors, and educating professionals about ways to support traumatically bereaved clients. The story of her dad's suicide was featured in the Emmy award-winning documentary, Fatal Mistakes: Families Shattered by Suicide, narrated by Mariette Hartley. Like so many others bereaved by suicide, Barbara was shattered by this traumatic loss. Barbara is a champion for professional well-being and has pioneered a unique approach to addressing traumatic loss and vicarious trauma. She brings a deep understanding of thanatology and personal resilience to her work. With refreshing clarity and humor, her speaking engagements are designed to give audiences practical strategies that can be implemented immediately. Barbara is a sought-after keynote speaker and trainer on building resilience and mitigating the impact of vicarious trauma. Her list of clients spans more than 500 corporations, conferences, universities, and government agencies. She is a contributing writer to Thin Threads: Grief and Renewal; Open to Hope's Fresh Grief; Coaching for Results: Expert Advice from 25 Top International Coaches; and Remembering Our Angels. She is a consultant with the U.S. Department of Justice, Office for Victims of Crime Training and Technical Assistance Center (OVCTTAC) and co-wrote its training curriculum, Compassion Fatigue/Vicarious Trauma. Barbara received a Bachelor of Science degree in psychology and a Master of Arts degree in community health, with a concentration in thanatology, both from Brooklyn College. She is a board-certified expert in traumatic stress and a diplomate with the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress. Visit her website at griefworkcenter.com

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