Overview

Background, trauma, mental illness, complacency... How these aspects tie a knot in my own experience has shaped me to become a withered man, having spent my entire 20's up to this point in a permanent waiting game. Musical chairs is a better analogy for it, as I scramble what little mental strength I have left to find myself a place in the world lost over five years ago during a psych ward visit. My mental illness has robbed me of the ability to think for, and most importantly, choose for myself. Hours turn to days, days to weeks, then to months, so on and so forth, and I know all too well the crippling self-damnation of hesitation to leave my parents as I approach 27 years of age. I missed everything... In these pages hold a true tale of the personal struggle of wrestling my very own psyche and reasoning, only to fall deeper into darkness and misery, and in turn, dreaded dependence of my middle aged parents while I missed out on what was supposed to be the most youthful and adventerous time of my adult life. The addictive comfort of allowing myself to fall back into the clutches of a dysfunctional home for several more years than warranted, I find myself living my parents' life instead of my own, having no friends or any other family left to reconcile with. I deteriorate between four crumbling drywalls with severe mental illness, witnessing my parents live an unfulfilled and rather miserable existence of their own, shadowed by their traumatic unshakable backgrounds and with no way out of my own, with no car to escape, I remain trapped in an echochamber of self hatred, loneliness, and major regret of my earlier years, meanwhile peers of mine continue to travel the world with legions of friends and family. I've missed the mark in this life somehow along the way, as my parents before me and theirs before them. WIth angst and utter importance, I urge the reader to decide whether they are ready to break free from their psychological tug of war, or fall into a pit similar to mine. We live the lives of those who come before us, good or bad. We must choose to overcome the most viscious of mental illnesses to rise above and become independent individuals, before there is no way out and lifestyle becomes dramatically one dimensional, hosted by and catered to by those who brought us into this world.

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