Overview

An autistic voice struggling with the questions of being. This debut poetry collection navigates the terrain of existential inquiry and the natural world with what I hope is rare precision and emotional resonance. Drawing on the unique perceptual depth of autism, I attempt to write with clarity, intensity, and reverence for the intricacies and patterns others might overlook. From the quiet stirrings of nature to the vastness of the cosmos, each poem opens a portal into how we belong-to the world, to each other, and to ourselves. I was diagnosed with Autism (ASD Level 1) at the age of 51 years. I was experiencing an ""Autistic Burnout"" event which occurred as I could no longer mask and manage the uncertainty and unpredictability of my world and my immediate environment. In some ways, the diagnosis was a shock to the system - but upon reflection, it made perfect sense and helped me contextualize my ever present struggle to connect with others, to understand the world and people around me, and the consistent desire to withdraw and disconnect from a world that makes no sense to me and that I find overwhelming and befuddling. For me, and my experience with my Autism, there is an intensity to the world that is both exhilarating and overwhelming. An inherent struggle to function in a world so full of natural beauty, but also the indifference, greed and callousness of mankind. The desire to engage, but the knowledge and experience to know the toll engagement takes on my ability to manage my emotions and my mental capacity. The overwhelming desire to connect with others in a substantive and deep place so few ever visit. I have found that writing poetry, with rhythm and rhyme, helps to organize my mind and helps me better understand my thoughts and emotions. I have written poetry since I was a teenager, I am sure as an attempt to make sense of my experiences. Now that I can go back into my writings with the knowledge of my ASD Diagnosis, the poems and writings articulate the almost daily struggle just to survive. The loneliness, the depth and the desire to withdraw. That is something I want to convey to those who do not understand. Life, to me, and I can't speak to other Autists, is a struggle to survive. Every day is a struggle to manage in a world that is so chaotic and overwhelming, and one from which I must often withdraw. In this book - I have attempted to provide some written context to the poems I have included but with hindsight following my diagnosis. I know there are others who must struggle as I do and I hope these words help you to know that you are not alone in your quest to connect and to understand your place in the world.

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