Overview

Four years ago, Chris Slater-Walker was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. For him this was an explanation of why he has always regarded himself as ""socially handicapped"", but for his wife Gisela it meant coming to terms with a marriage in which there would never be any intuitive understanding, despite Chris's good intentions. This is an account of a long and still unfinished process of learning to live with a disability that some regard as incompatible with marriage. Charting Chris's background, the history of Gisela and Chris's relationship and the subsequentimpact of the diagnosis on their relationship, the first half of the book thoughtfully juxtaposes the two authors' stories and their reactions to Chris's condition. The remainder covers developments within their relationship, and the understanding that has grown between the couple; however, the authors never shirk from describing the difficulties that have arisen.

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9781843100171

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Reviews

This fascinating book is a joint venture between Gisela and Chris. They have each written frankly of their own perceptions of their marriage and reflect with great sensitivity on the impact which Asperger's syndrome has had on their 12 years of living together. It is likely to be of particular interest to those involved in marital counselling.'If you are looking for a sensitive and enlightening insight into an 11-year-old marriage between a man diagnosed with Asperger's and his long-suffering wife, look no further than this excellent book... the heartening message is that, despite the immense obstacles - both within the marriage and from the lack of facilities available - here is a couple that have managed to go a long way towards bridging that yawning chasm . -- Looking UP [When] one partner has Asperger syndrome, making the diagnosis can be problematic, but giving advice on coping and understanding the condition is even more problematic. That is why reading Chris and Gisela's book was so fascinating and helpful.They do not pretend that it is easy, but their factual information with some poignant yet amusing anecdotes make this an enjoyable, as well as informative, book to read. I would highly recommend the book for couples where one partner has Asperger syndrome and for professionals, not only those working in this field, but anyone who works with people with relationship difficulties. It is definitely on my list of recommended reading. -- Communication A humane and tender book...Chris's writing itself has done more to explain to me what Asperger syndrome involves than any `description' I have previously read...The book is hopeful without being soppy and brave without being boastful. -- Open Mind This book is the first to examine a successful marriage from both perspectives and provides knowledge that will be of value, not only to similar couples and individuals with Asperger Syndrome who are considering a relationship, but also the organizations that support relationships. -- from the foreword by Tony Attwood This book is the first of its kind and is an essential read for couples, parents and professionals involved or interested in gaining a deeper understanding into the uncharted territory of Asperger marriages. -- Maxine Aston, Relate Trainer and Couple Counsellor specialising in relationships affected by Asperger Syndrome and author of `The Other Half of Asperger Syndrome'. A very readable book, pastors may welll find it helpful for their own understanding, but also as a resource to pass on to couples concerned for their autistic child, as also to people suffering from this particular disability. -- Ministry Today This is a book of real value to people with a personal experience of AS and one which will also be reassuring to parents of children diagnosed with AS. I would particularly recommend it as a quick read to both social and health care professionals who are involved in making assessments, trying to understand the `person' and attempting to enable people with AS to achieve their own aspirations. -- Professional Social Work Magazine

This fascinating book is a joint venture between Gisela and Chris. They have each written frankly of their own perceptions of their marriage and reflect with great sensitivity on the impact which Asperger's syndrome has had on their 12 years of living together. It is likely to be of particular interest to those involved in marital counselling. 'If you are looking for a sensitive and enlightening insight into an 11-year-old marriage between a man diagnosed with Asperger's and his long-suffering wife, look no further than this excellent book... the heartening message is that, despite the immense obstacles - both within the marriage and from the lack of facilities available - here is a couple that have managed to go a long way towards bridging that yawning chasm . -- Looking UP [When] one partner has Asperger syndrome, making the diagnosis can be problematic, but giving advice on coping and understanding the condition is even more problematic. That is why reading Chris and Gisela's book was so fascinating and helpful.They do not pretend that it is easy, but their factual information with some poignant yet amusing anecdotes make this an enjoyable, as well as informative, book to read. I would highly recommend the book for couples where one partner has Asperger syndrome and for professionals, not only those working in this field, but anyone who works with people with relationship difficulties. It is definitely on my list of recommended reading. -- Communication A humane and tender book...Chris's writing itself has done more to explain to me what Asperger syndrome involves than any 'description' I have previously read...The book is hopeful without being soppy and brave without being boastful. -- Open Mind This book is the first to examine a successful marriage from both perspectives and provides knowledge that will be of value, not only to similar couples and individuals with Asperger Syndrome who are considering a relationship, but also the organizations that support relationships. -- from the foreword by Tony Attwood This book is the first of its kind and is an essential read for couples, parents and professionals involved or interested in gaining a deeper understanding into the uncharted territory of Asperger marriages. -- Maxine Aston, Relate Trainer and Couple Counsellor specialising in relationships affected by Asperger Syndrome and author of 'The Other Half of Asperger Syndrome'. A very readable book, pastors may welll find it helpful for their own understanding, but also as a resource to pass on to couples concerned for their autistic child, as also to people suffering from this particular disability. -- Ministry Today This is a book of real value to people with a personal experience of AS and one which will also be reassuring to parents of children diagnosed with AS. I would particularly recommend it as a quick read to both social and health care professionals who are involved in making assessments, trying to understand the 'person' and attempting to enable people with AS to achieve their own aspirations. -- Professional Social Work Magazine

This fascinating book is a joint venture between Gisela and Chris. They have each written frankly of their own perceptions of their marriage and reflect with great sensitivity on the impact which Asperger's syndrome has had on their 12 years of living together. It is likely to be of particular interest to those involved in marital counselling. 'If you are looking for a sensitive and enlightening insight into an 11-year-old marriage between a man diagnosed with Asperger's and his long-suffering wife, look no further than this excellent book... the heartening message is that, despite the immense obstacles - both within the marriage and from the lack of facilities available - here is a couple that have managed to go a long way towards bridging that yawning chasm . -- Looking UP [When] one partner has Asperger syndrome, making the diagnosis can be problematic, but giving advice on coping and understanding the condition is even more problematic. That is why reading Chris and Gisela's book was so fascinating and helpful.They do not pretend that it is easy, but their factual information with some poignant yet amusing anecdotes make this an enjoyable, as well as informative, book to read. I would highly recommend the book for couples where one partner has Asperger syndrome and for professionals, not only those working in this field, but anyone who works with people with relationship difficulties. It is definitely on my list of recommended reading. -- Communication A humane and tender book...Chris's writing itself has done more to explain to me what Asperger syndrome involves than any `description' I have previously read...The book is hopeful without being soppy and brave without being boastful. -- Open Mind This book is the first to examine a successful marriage from both perspectives and provides knowledge that will be of value, not only to similar couples and individuals with Asperger Syndrome who are considering a relationship, but also the organizations that support relationships. -- from the foreword by Tony Attwood This book is the first of its kind and is an essential read for couples, parents and professionals involved or interested in gaining a deeper understanding into the uncharted territory of Asperger marriages. -- Maxine Aston, Relate Trainer and Couple Counsellor specialising in relationships affected by Asperger Syndrome and author of `The Other Half of Asperger Syndrome'. A very readable book, pastors may welll find it helpful for their own understanding, but also as a resource to pass on to couples concerned for their autistic child, as also to people suffering from this particular disability. -- Ministry Today This is a book of real value to people with a personal experience of AS and one which will also be reassuring to parents of children diagnosed with AS. I would particularly recommend it as a quick read to both social and health care professionals who are involved in making assessments, trying to understand the `person' and attempting to enable people with AS to achieve their own aspirations. -- Professional Social Work Magazine

Gisela Slater-Walker describes this book, written jointly with her husband, as 'a warts and all' account of their Asperger marriage. Asperger Syndrome is an autistic spectrum disorder. Sufferers lack the normal non-verbal skills and are poor at demonstrating emotion or dealing with emotive matters. Typically they think only in terms of literal or logical responses. Since most of the literature on the subject to date has been aimed at the parents of younger children with Asperger's, this is a much needed and groundbreaking account. As the authors point out, the issues don't go away when children reach adulthood, they remain the same throughout life and have to be dealt with. The Slater-Walkers were unfortunate in that they didn't realize that Christopher suffered from any recognizable disability until quite late in their marriage. When they met at university, Gisela was 33 with three children, Chris nine years younger. Chris felt that he was afflicted with extreme self-consciousness and lack of confidence but Gisela simply saw him as slightly eccentric. If anyone was disabled in the partnership, she thought it was herself since she suffered from temporal lobe epilepsy. Not until their marriage had hit serious trouble and they were considering separating did they read a book by Oliver Sacks that described seven cases of neurological disability. For Gisela, everything began to fall into place with the realization that many of her husband's odd and obsessive behaviours were not the result of perversity or bad temper. After his diagnosis with Asperger Syndrome, Chris was also relieved. It meant that he no longer felt totally inept. They were able to join a local contact group and work on their relationship. It is heartening to see how much the writing of this book has affected their marriage: they have written alternate chapters of the book and each has found what the other has written to be revelatory, as though a curtain between them has been torn down. Gisela has obviously had to deal with constant frustration in her marriage and to some extent this continues but with understanding comes new ways of coping. The book is a testament to the courage and perseverance of two people who have had to struggle unknowingly with the disability of Asperger's for such a long time, and will be an inspiration to anyone with a connection to Asperger's or an interest in the complex interactions between neurology and personality. (Kirkus UK)

Author Information

Gisela and Chris Slater-Walker have been partners for eleven years. Both gained BA (Hons) in Russian Studies from Manchester University. Gisela is an English teacher at Aylesbury High School.

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